Bad Poetry – Snapshots of Anxiety

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I recently dug up an old folder filled with scraps of paper and a dusty notebook that included some of the thoughts and some poetry from my earliest days of writing. As i poured over the old scribblings I remembered the time of my life that the had come from, a time when I was at my lowest, letting the darkness close in around.  I have since recognized my struggles from that time and been able to open up about my struggles with anxiety as I climbed up out of the pit.

What follows is the first of many thoughts and poems that I am calling Snapshots of Anxiety. They are each a look into my mindset during some of my greatest struggles and many merely a single sentence. Many are just plain bad, but I thought they could provide a little insight to some so here they are nonetheless.  I will try to follow each one with a bit more insight into the times and situations that triggered them if I am able to recall the details.

on-the-wall-tick-tock-tick-tock

I remember this one very well.  I was in an apartment that was shared with three others, one of whom was a cousin (we did have separate bedrooms), so it was not like I was isolated and alone during this time.  I had just returned to college after a failed business attempt and was lost in my life. I was somewhat lost before I started the business which was one motive for setting out on my own, but I think that I let that drive me too much and I didn’t properly prepare for the future and for the consequences.  After it failed I let all my past pain and regret flow in and quickly sunk into the dark places of the mind.

I was sitting in my room thinking about my failures when the ticking of the wall clock started to catch my attention and reminded me of all the time that I had wasted in trying to accomplish something.  Part of me seemed to have been searching for darkness so I only focused on what was lost not the fact that I had returned to school to further my education, or that I had checked off a career path that I now knew I did not want to follow. The only time that was really wasted was that which was spent reflecting on time that I thought was wasted. A simple change of perspective is night and day and there is always good to be found, although we may sometimes have to search harder than others.

Writerly Advice

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I have been writing for quite a few years now but I’m still new to this idea of making a go of it professionally.  Naturally, I tend to scour the internet in search of all the advice that I can get my hands on.  I’ve read everything from the big spills about how to build your email list to the simplest and basest of things such as to write what you know.  Both avenues can be considered correct and with advice there is no wrong answer, but neither are they universal -with the possible exception of something such as “you can’t write if you don’t make the time to sit down and write.”  However, there is bad advice.  Even if not necessarily wrong, it is bad -at least in my opinion.  The thing about bad advice is that it is just as plentiful as the good, and it doesn’t sound bad either.

The string of words that got me started on this rant was located while sleuthing through some online forums seeking the input of other indie writers that I could realistically apply to my own journey.  Instead, I found -based on the phrasing and general tone of the message- a bitter bunch of spittle typed out by someone who was soured due to their own lack of success.

The advice that they gave was, in short, to write what was selling and not bother with pouring out what was inside of you otherwise you would not be successful.  Now, from a business standpoint this might not look to be bad advice, but we are dealing with an art form.  And, while this could be a successful tactic, it cheapens the art, brings down the whole idea of writing, in the end costing both the readers and writers.  If someone has a passion that happens to fall in the subject that is selling, then great, there is a better chance that we can all benefit from a great book.  But forcing it, jamming yourself into something that you don’t necessarily care about, will be painful to the writer and often painful for the reader as well.  There are some writers that can pull this off, great writers that could be successful in any subject, but this advice was directed to the profession as a whole and, as we have all seen from Hollywood, this formula doesn’t produce the best products.

In closing, I hope that anyone who may stumble on this thread will realize that it is better to focus where you would actually like to focus, write what you know -which should be an ever-expanding realm, we can always know more so this idea is actually unlimited- but most importantly write what you are passionate about.

Writerly Advice

Standard

I have been writing for quite a few years now but im still new to this idea of making a go of it professionally.  Naturally, i tend to scour the internet in search of all the advice that i can get my hands on.  I’ve read everything from the big spills about how to build your email list to the simplest and basest of things such as to write what you know.  Both avenues can be considered correct and with advice there is no wrong answer, but neither are they universal -with the possible exception of something such as “you can’t write if you don’t make the time to sit down and write.”  However, there is bad advice.  Even if not necessarily wrong, it is bad -at least in my opinion.  The thing about bad advice is that it is just as plentiful as the good, and it doesn’t sound bad either.

The string of words that got me started on this rant was located while sleuthing through some online forums seeking the input of other indie writers that i could realistically apply to my own journey.  Instead, i found -based on the phrasing and general tone of the message- a bitter bunch of spittle typed out by someone who was soured due to their own lack of success.

The advice that they gave was, in short, to write what was selling and not bother with pouring out what was inside of you otherwise you would not be successful.  Now, from a business standpoint this might not look to be bad advice, but we are dealing with an art form.  And, while this could be a successful tactic, it cheapens the art, brings down the whole idea of writing, in the end costing both the readers and writers.  If someone has a passion that happens to fall in the subject that is selling, then great, there is a better chance that we can all benefit from a great book.  But forcing it, jamming yourself into something that you don’t necessarily care about, will be painful to the writer and often painful for the reader as well.  There are some writers that can pull this off, great writers that could be successful in any subject, but this advice was directed to the profession as a whole and, as we have all seen from Hollywood, this formula doesn’t produce the best products.

In closing, i hope that anyone who may stumble on this thread will realize that it is better to focus where you would actually like to focus, write what you know -which should be an ever-expanding realm, we can always know more so this idea is actually unlimited- but most importantly write what you are passionate about.